TAKES FOR EVERY TEAM: PART THREE

Welcome to the third and final installment of TBC’s NBA season preview. This is part 3, and parts one & two can be found here and here. 

This part 3 is published a day late, and of the four teams that featured in opening-night action, the Celtics and Warriors were both absent from parts 1 and 2. However, if you’ve read any of the previous pieces, I’m sure you’ll have a sense of my views about my beloved Warriors. I’m going to cheat slightly and take some inspiration about the Celtics from their convincing whalloping of the Sixers (whose offense fell apart – who could have seen that coming?).  

This preview has been the largest project that I’ve taken on since establishing TBC, and outside of some truly awful lawyer work, it’s the longest thing I’ve ever written. This thing was written on the bus, on the train, during my lunch break, and during any other spare moment I’ve managed to find. Turns out, 30 teams is a lot of work. If you’ll permit me another sentence of self-indulgence, it’s been the most rewarding writing experience, and I’m grateful to everyone who’s read, commented, DM’d and supported these efforts. 

All that said, let’s launch into the final part of the preview and take a spin around the final third of the league. This part includes the Portland Trailblazers, Phoenix Suns, Los Angeles Clippers, Washington Wizards, Golden State Warriors, Minnesota Timberwolves, Boston Celtics, Milwaukee Bucks and Chicago Bulls (woah, 4 contenders!). So please, strap in and get ready for some pretty heavy slander.

Portland Trailblazers

IN: Jerami Grant, Gary Payton II & Shaedon Sharpe (pick #7)
OUT: Eric Bledsoe, Joe Ingles, Kris Dunn
EXTENSIONS: Damian Lillard (2 years, $225m), Jusuf Nurkic (4 years, $70m) & Anfernee Simons (4 years, $100m)

The Blazers will knock the Lakers out of the play-in

Let’s begin with a personal question. Dear reader, how do you feel about Damian Lillard – personally? My own view of Lillard is tinged by the remnants of a rivalry that never was, borne from the question of who would be the next point guard to take over the league circa 2015, one which has been completely resolved in favour of Stephen Curry.

I’ll make the effort to take a step back from my biases to find objectivity: wait, this is a dude who hasn’t won anything since the 2013 rookie of the year and the Blazers are going to have to pay him $63m when he’s 37 years old. Better take another step back. Dame took a team with a starting lineup including Al-Farouq Aminu, Mo Harkless & Meyers Leonard to the 2019 Western Conference Finals, and this year’s version of the Blazers is better than that. 

Jerami Grant joins from Detroit, being jettisoned for picks as the Pistons hand the offense over to Cade Cunningham.  Grant is finally relieved of his role as the most important defensive player, like he was in Detroit and Denver, and all of a sudden he’s in the last year of his contract. Thankfully, Jerami gets to hand over the most difficult assignment to Gary Payton II and adds another 20 points a game and some missing size on the wing. Grant knows how to show out in a contract year, it earned him $60m last time he was a free agent, so expect him to do so again. 

Next to Dame in the front court is Anfernee Simons coming off the best year of his career, where he shot 48% on catch and shoot 3’s, and he can expect a healthy diet of screen action and kickouts. Rounding out the starters are Josh Hart and Jusuf Nurkic. In this publication’s estimation, Nurkic is capital W washed and he’s unable to stay in front of the multitude of guards that will go at his throat on pick and roll this year. However, Josh Hart is one of the most underrated players in the league,  who was shut down by the Blazers after he played so well the Blazers became worried it would stop them drafting anyone good.

In the draft, the Blazers took a swing on Shaedon Sharpe, a Kentucky product who missed the majority of his college career due to injury. Entering college, Sharpe was spoken about in the same breath as Chet Holmgren and Paolo Banchero, but never had the chance to prove himself. He’s got a beautiful jumpshot, a great handle and he’s spent most of the pre-season jumping over the hoop. 

So there’s some positives for the Blazers – considering they traded away CJ McCollum, the Blazers look a whole lot better than I thought they did entering this preview. 

They’re still outside the playoff group but they will be an absolute pain in the arse to play. None of these guys are going to take a night off, but if a team arrives in Portland on a Tuesday night ready to phone it in, they’ll be smacked in the face for it. 

Looking at the playoff picture out West, it’s not an easy racket to break into. Some combination of the Warriors, Grizzlies, Suns, Mavs, Nuggets, Pelicans, Clippers and Timberwolves will make up the top eight, with two spots remaining in the play-in for the Lakers, Blazers and Kings. I’ve already thrown most of TBC’s chips in for the Kings to make the play-in, and I’m picking the Blazers for the second play-in spot. 

What’s more, tapping into some cosmic energy, I’m receiving a vision of the conclusion of the season – a Dame vs. Goliath scenario. In the dying days of the season, the Lakers will have capitulated 3 times during the year and completely failed to trade Westbrook, now they’re fighting tooth and nail to make the play-in. Meanwhile, Portland and Sacramento are keeping competitive, before Dame goes on a 5 game run scoring 40 points a game to close out the season and burn the Lakers again. 

Phoenix Suns

IN: Jock Landale, Josh Okogie & Damion Lee
OUT: JaVale Magee & Elfrid Payton
EXTENSIONS: DeAndre Ayton (4 years, $133m) & Devin Booker (4 years, $224m)

The Hangover, part 27

What a 6 months it’s been for the Phoenix Suns, who were at their all-conquering best in the regular season. Ending the year with the best record in the NBA, Phoenix had a solid grasp on home court advantage throughout the playoffs, where they were nearly unbeatable all year. That was, until that game 7.

I was terrified of the Suns last season: they were an improved version of the team that made the Finals the year before, and they just didn’t miss shots. Then, someone said the wrong thing to Luka Doncic and he transformed into the destroyer of worlds and tore the series apart. This kicked off a chain reaction of summer disasters for Phoenix.

To illustrate how badly everything fell apart in Phoenix last year, let’s use an analogy. To do so, I’m going to assume that you, dear reader, fall within the 96% male readership of this website.

Say you’ve decided to take your partner out for dinner. It’s a special occasion, maybe an anniversary. For once in your life, you put effort into organising something – more than sending a beer emoji into the group chat. You get a table at a nice restaurant on Friday night, after work. It’s a fancy joint; not so expensive that you’re about to blow your entire payslip on dinner, but why is a bowl of chips $25?

It’s the end of the workday and you’ve got a few hours to spare until dinner. Your partner’s meeting you in town, she’s doing her makeup or some shit. Better get ready:  grab that bottle of cologne from the bottom drawer of your desk (the one your aunty gave you in a gift set for Christmas 2018), run some water through your hair and take a couple of pumps of cologne – now you’re ready.

Probably best that you go and get yourself a drink while you wait, so you head to a bar on the same street as the restaurant and look who’s here? It’s everyone from the group chat – the bad one that you shouldn’t open in public. You’ve got at least an hour before your partner arrives, so you take a seat and knock back a couple of beers. About 4 beers later (and a few trips to the bathroom, if you’re so inclined), you open your phone and see a text from your partner saying ‘I’m 20 minutes away’, then throw $20 on a horse running on the opposite side of the world, which wins! That calls for a round baby!

Another text: ‘I’m out the front of the restaurant, where are you?’ Shit, better run. You spot her getting out of a cab, greet her and ignore her comments that you smell like beer. She’s turned up looking like ‘06 Beyonce while you’re starting to look like right-now Jay-Z. You think to yourself ‘you know, I quite like this woman’.  

Somehow, dinner actually goes alright, you make your way to the table without knocking into anything and settle into your seat, knock back a few waters and pretend you’re sober. Since you’re there to celebrate, why not start with a few cocktails? Drinking a negroni, martini and margarita within half an hour can’t hurt, and your partner’s going drink-for-drink. Fuck it, let’s get a bottle of red wine too.  Between entrée and main, she leans over the table and says ‘hey – why don’t we go home?’

You finish your meal and, after unsuccessfully trying to put the bill on afterpay, you find yourself in a cab on the way home, trying to subtly suck in as much air as possible while your partner winks over at you. You trip over trying to make your way out of the cab, push through the front door and make it to the bedroom. As your partner begins unbuttoning your shirt, you projectile vomit everywhere. The build-up of beers, cocktails and red wine which have churned up in your stomach tornado out of you.

The next morning, you find yourself naked on the shower floor, a wet towel thrown over you like a blanket. You’re alone in the house. You check your phone, there’s a text ‘you’re a pig’. Just another weekend, really. 

So that’s the Phoenix Suns: cold and alone, lying naked in their own vomit questioning ‘why couldn’t someone stop me from making the kinds of choices that come from decades of institutional rot at the hands of Robert Sarver?’  

Since this section is already over the word count, let’s play the hits from Phoenix’s summer hangover:

In isolation, a lot of those things are survivable for most teams. Jae Crowder’s trade demand shouldn’t have been reported, and I can’t understand why Phoenix are doing him a favour by holding out to trade him to a contender of his choosing.

In terms of actual analysis; sure, the Suns are still among the top of the West, but they’re equal if not worse than the rest of the conference. 60 wins is the absolute best case scenario for the top of the West, and the Suns won 64 last season. It wasn’t until February 2022 that the Suns made it to ten losses last season, but there’s a cloud hanging over this Suns team, and it casts a malignant shadow.

The thing is, there’s still plenty of talent on this roster, Chris Paul took a team in points last season from 16.4 to 14.7, but his assist went up and his shooting percentages remained basically the same (his dip from 39% to 31% from 3 is the caused by him averaging 1.5 made 3’s per game one season compared to 1.0 the next – not a big deal). 

I remain a Booker truther: he’s one of the best catch-and-shoot guys in the league and has phenomenal footwork, but he and Paul were shown up in the playoffs, the Pelicans drawing the blueprint and the Mavs executing on it. Turns out when you get into a 37-year-old’s face for 94 feet up the court and constantly harass him on the ball, it disrupts the flow of the offense. Same for Booker, who fell apart when challenged by a double-team or physical defender. 

Meanwhile, DeAndre Ayton usurps Bradley Beal as the least happy max-contract player in the league, counting down the days until he’s available for trade on January 15, 2023. It’s hard to imagine Ayton feels very loved at the minute, considering he’s a number pick being paid less than Jordan Poole, who was drafted 28th the year following him. 

Ultimately, this is still a talented team destined for the playoffs, but it feels as if we’ve seen everything the Suns have to offer. While that’s a fantastic product, the off-court noise is inescapable for this team. Everyone’s sitting in different corners of the locker room, staring daggers at each other. Maybe one of the larger players should simply punch one of the young guys. 

Los Angeles Clippers

IN: John Wall
OUT: Isaiah Hartensetein & Rodney Hood
EXTENSIONS: Nicolas Batum (2 years, $22m), Robert Covington (2 years, $24m) & Ivica Zubac (3 years, $33m)

I’m not letting the Clippers catfish me again

Ty Lue, you can charm me all you like with your brilliant coaching  but I’m not falling for it again this season. 

I refuse to acknowledge this team as a contender until Kawhi Leonard and Paul George play 30 games together. If they can make it an entire season together – holy shit this is a good team. But I’m not falling head over heels to proclaim them champions before tip-off – oh my god Kawhi looks absolutely stacked.

Kawhi actually tried to FaceTime me the other day, but his camera wasn’t working, so I just talked to a completely black screen for 5 minutes. He told me I’m his favourite basketball writer and he wants me to come to his games, but he needs me to send him $500 first so that he can pay the deposit for my international flight. Unfortunately, all my money is tied up in a Jalen Green NFT scam, and I’m down real bad.

Now that I’ve taken a moment to catch my breath and reflect on last season, I begin to remember that I really liked the Clippers last season too. Instead of resigning themselves to a nothing year with Kawhi out for the season and George out for the majority, the Clippers put together a brave season and looked set for an unexpected playoff berth.

Ty Lue did such a good job last year, and Reggie Jackson disrespected Russell Westbrook in such an incredible way, that Big Government and the Clippers skipped directly into my heart. Suddenly they were this upstart team of spare parts that had all come together to be the best versions of themselves.  I’m going to say it a third time, but fuck me Ty Lue is a genius coach.

Come the end of the regular season, I declared them an absolute lock to beat the Timberwolves and qualify for the playoffs. Then, Paul George went all Paul George in the play-in and the team was bounced in straight sets at the hands of the Timberwolves and Pelicans.

To Paul George I say, fool me once in the bubble, shame on you; fool me again in the play-in, shame on me. However, as they saying goes ‘fool me twice – can’t get fooled again’.

Hold on, Kawhi’s calling again – I’m all the way back baby!

Washington Wizards

IN: Will Barton, Taj Gibson, Monte Morris & Delon Wright
OUT: Kentavious Caldwell-Pope & Thomas Bryant
EXTENSIONS: Bradley Beal (5 years, $251m)

What’s the point of the Wizards?

Does this team exist for any reason other than fulfilling its obligation to pay Bradley Beal forty-something million dollars every year? Oh yeah, paying Kristaps Porziginis too. 

The Wizards number is 76 million: that’s how much is owed to Beal and Porzingis in real American dollars in this season alone. The salary cap alone is just over $123 million. 60% of the Wizards salary is going to two guys, neither of which are even All Stars in their position. 

We’re going rapid-fire on the Wizards, because they’re one of those boring teams with playoff aspirations which end up imploding and finishing 12th, same as they did last season. 

There are plenty of guys to like on this roster, and some of them are probably available for trade this season. Rui Hachimura will be a restricted free agent in the summer, but he’s had trouble establishing himself in the league, as well as missing 39 games due to mental health last year. But Rui is good and the Wizards are bad, so there’s a good chance his potential has been smothered by Washington’s incompetence. 

Deni Avdija falls within the same category for me. Both guys have plenty of potential, have big builds and use their bodies well, playing through contact better than you’d expect from a young player on a bad team with limited playing time. 

Kyle Kuzma may suddenly decide he wants some greener pastures, or just play in the playoffs again, and his $13m contract is a whole lot more digestible now that DeAndre Hunter is about to make $32m. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but Kyle Kuzma is a championship player who knows how to play a role in an offense focused on a much better player, and he shot 34% from 3 last season. Off the top of my head, he could fit into Dallas’ rotation tomorrow. FREE KUZ!

If teams are willing to part ways with their first round picks, there’s plenty of happy hunting to be had at the Wizards. In a year where 2023 first round picks are worth as much as some franchises, the Knicks own the rights to the Wizards first round pick, while Washington have a muddle of Rockets, OKC and Knicks picks that won’t convey to them if they land within the top 14. 

When the trade deadline approaches in February and the Wizards are sitting outside the playoffs, they’re suddenly going to become interested in acquiring one of these first round picks that everyone’s been talking about. They might even send a guy over to France to check out this Victor kid. 

Now that the Wizards have crossed my mind, I’m suddenly leading the campaign to get Rui, Deni and Kuzma out of there. Can someone competent please give these guys some minutes? This is a zag that I didn’t see coming but now I’m possessed with my conviction to free these prisoners of WAS. 

Golden State Warriors

IN: Donte DiVincenzo & JaMychal Green
OUT: Otto Porter, Gary Payton II, Nemanja Bjelica, Damion Lee & Juan Toscano-Anderson
EXTENSIONS: Kevon Looney (3 years, $25.5m), Andrew Wiggins (4 years, $109m) & Jordan Poole (4 years, $140m)

The second Warriors dynasty has begun

There’s no other team like the Warriors when it comes to financial commitment. Having spent the off-season locking up the majority of their roster long-term and coming in with a luxury tax bill just a clip below half a billion dollars. That’s money which the team has to arbitrarily pay the league for holding onto Curry, Klay, Draymond, Poole and Wiggins this season (all but Wiggins being drafted by the Warriors). The Warriors tax bill is almost four times as much as any team has ever paid, which is a record they set last year.

When you go deep into the playoffs, the regular season seems so trivial. The Hawks went to the Eastern Conference once and decided they didn’t have to try at all during the ‘21-’22 season. The Warriors are far more experienced, this being their fourth time entering the season as defending champions with the Steph-Klay-Dray-Dre core, but there’s some visible fraying occurring in their relationship.  

Of course, so much rests on Draymond this season. Green has been back with the team and playing pre-season games without a peep since his impromptu boxing match with Jordan Poole. By all accounts, Draymond would rather sign a new, much larger contract than he would exercise the $27m player option next season. All power to Draymond, he’s 34 and this is his last opportunity for a massive contract, but the chances that the Warriors offer him a maximum deal are slim to none – unless they want to pay a billion dollars in luxury tax. There’s a distinct likelihood this is the last year that Draymond suits up as a Warrior.  

Andre Igoudala has confirmed this will be his final season, and his role on the team since returning to the franchise has been more focused on development and his eventual shift to coaching than it has on-court production. 

Dray and Dre are being squeezed out by the upstart pair of Poole and Wiggins and their brand new $100m+ contracts. Poole and Wiggins contributed when it mattered most in the playoffs and Finals, but Draymond was still the lynchpin when it counted. 

For all their talent, it’s not the case that either can be swapped in for Draymond, Green cast away and the problems solved. Defensively, Wiggins is elite and capable of holding his own against big guys, but he’s not yet a 1-through-5 guy. Poole isn’t even much of a 1 guy. 

No one is going to be happy about it, but the fact remains that the Warriors have 6 guys competing for 5 starting spots, and 3 of them have been starting in their roles for a decade. The tension surrounding the group is palpable. 

With a breakup imminent, it’s lucky that the Warriors have a depth of young talent to develop this season. We are finally getting to see James Wiseman on the court, the man who played 3 games of college after being banned for accepting recruiting inducements, then 39 games his rookie season and none since. Wiseman is an athletic freak, a strong but smooth 7 footer who can, in the space of 30 seconds, do the dumbest thing on one end, and the most impressive thing on the other.

When Wiseman played in his rookie season, there was a distinct ‘let’s get James the ball’ feel to the team. Given the Warriors weren’t playing for anything that year, it was perfectly fine to slow everything down while James tried spinning – that’s a good trick, a-la Anakin Skywalker. This season, the stakes are higher and Wiseman’s role changes from experimental to necessary. Kevon Looney, the oldest-looking 26 year since child labour ended, has been given the starting center position, and Wiseman needs to prove he deserves it this year. On the other hand though, it would also be nice if Wiseman didn’t necessarily blow the doors off their hinges, and he could be signed to a team-friendly rookie extension. 

Jonathan Kuminga impressed in moments during his rookie season, another freak athlete who potentially doesn’t know how to play the game yet. Kuminga would often drift in and out of games last season, throwing down 3 consecutive dunks then accidentally standing completely still for an entire defensive possession. He was rocks or diamonds within the space of a couple possessions. 

Kuminga looked absolutely electric in the pre-season. He seems to understand how the offense moves and when he should be cutting or passing or screening. He’s already a top tier athlete with a ridiculously fast first step and absurd leaping ability. He’s had a couple of possessions where he’s received the ball in the Warriors famous low-post split action, seizing on his defender’s lapse of attention to turn, jump after one step and finish the lob. That play has been Draymond’s bread and butter since Kerr arrived in 2014, and Kuminga’s starting to learn how to eat. 

I wrote in March how, in the midst of Steph’s shooting slump and Draymond’s absence due to  injury, Steve Kerr adopted a ‘fuck you – get better’ approach to the bench. In particular; Poole, Kuminga and Moses Moody were given expanded roles in the offense and the chance to gain a few battle scars. From that point on, Poole rediscovered his early shooting form and brought it with him all the way to the Finals. 

Kerr will probably take the same approach at times this season. If the Warriors are comfortable with their position on the table and they’ve got 3 games in 5 nights, expect to see plenty of minutes for Moody, Patrick Baldwin Jr and Ryan Rollins. I really like Patrick Baldwin Jr. Everything about his game looks perfect for a Warriors backup big who can defend and hit wide open 3’s after the entire defense panicked because Curry touched the ball for 2 seconds. 

Despite the drama in the top of the roster, the Warriors have held onto the guys they needed to, drafted some more really interesting high-upside prospects that aren’t required to do anything for the time to win, and even picked up Dante DiVincenzo.  I’m excited for this Warriors season, and the next 5 years of the team. Once you ignore the whole Draymond thing (which I am choosing to do all year), it feels fantastic. 

Minnesota Timberwolves

IN: Rudy Gobert, Kyle Anderson, Eric Paschall & Luka Garza
OUT: Malik Beasley, Patrick Beverley & Josh Okogie
EXTENSIONS: Karl-Anthony Towns (4 years, $224)

The road to the playoffs is paved with Gobert bricks

Thanks a lot for ruining the trade market, Minnesota you dorks. Once Rudy Gobert was traded for what will become 8 dudes when all the draft picks are conveyed, the asking price for Kevin Durant shot up to 15 dudes and we were all deprived of the league-wide shakeup that would have followed a Durant trade. The trade is still insane even three months later,  especially when there hasn’t been a skerrick of news that any other team was even interested in the Big Baguette.

However, this is a preview of the upcoming season, and focus should be placed squarely on the Timberwolves as they are now, and not in 2025, when they’ll be paying FORTY-SIX MILLION DOLLARS FOR 33 YEAR-OLD GOBERT. In reality, this is a good team – maybe even a great team – if they can figure out whose hands the ball ends up in during the big moments.

Congratulations must go to the T-Wolves for giving up any hope that Karl-Anthony Towns will ever be a defensive presence at the rim, something which KAT himself gave up on two years ago. Further congratulations for acquiring the best rim defender of the last decade to make up for their defensive deficiencies.

For the sake of the take, and preferring to believe that the T-Wolves are trending positive, I’m going to ignore all of the evidence that say the vast majority of Gobert’s defensive efforts come from the weakside help position, and his one-on-one numbers aren’t so fantastic, for two reasons. First, it doesn’t suit the take; second, the Jazz’s perimeter defense these last few years fell into palliative care then died against the Mavs, so Gobert was forced to cover for his teammates mistakes as guards were permitted free entry into the lane. That skews the stats in Gobert’s favour, since he was simultaneously guarding 3 guys on most possessions, and any true one-on-one defense was uncommon.

On the point-scoring end of the floor, Gobert remains a complete disaster. Even if he’s an effective screener and capable of rolling towards the rim 15 times a game, he possesses one of the worst sets of hands in the league and simply cannot dribble. If Gobert actually manages to catch the ball, and he’s required to make a pass or dribble towards the basket, he’s just as likely to turn the ball over as he is to score. One of the reasons for Gobert’s malcontent in Utah was his lack of touches, so Minnesota will seek to appease him early in the season, and watch plenty of bricks along the way. 

As at the time of writing, the T-Wolves have declined to offer D’Angelo Russell a contract extension, making him an unrestricted free agent in  the summer of 2023. DLo is a talented but flawed player, who fits best on this version of the T-Wolves. Last season was Russell’s best since he and Kenny Atkinson led a super-fun Brooklyn Nets team to the playoffs, and he was named a first-time All Star (reserve). Nostalgia aside, Russell showed tremendous defensive improvement, he can actually defend now, deepened his connection to KAT and was gracious enough to take a step back and give up his role and hand the offense over to Towns and Edwards, which might see him eventually traded from the team. 

There’s a diplomatic way of saying this, but I’m not going to use it: KAT is overrated and should be the number 2 behind Edwards. The Timberwolves first round playoff exit came after multiple double digit collapses, when KAT was unable to defend anything or was already fouled out. Edwards needs the ball in his hands when it matters, instead of KAT floating around behind the arc pretending like he might just go inside, which he won’t.  

Edwards and Gobert are on the warpath this season, looking to make up for their own playoff failures. They’ll be dragging KAT and DLo by the scruff of their neck, with their rag tag bunch of bench guys following along. 

Boston Celtics

IN: Malcolm Brogdon, Danilo Gallinari & Blake Griffin
OUT: Aaron Nesmith & Daniel Theis

Ah shit, there’s nothing to make fun of the Celtics about

As I planned this preview series, I was really looking forward to ragging on the Celtics after they had one of the stranger off-season scandals in recent memory. The closest I could remember was when Timberwolves President Gersson Rosas was fired a week out of the season after it was revealed he had been in an extramarital affair with another Timberwolves employee. In the TWolves case, that rocked the franchise, especially so close to the beginning of the season. In Boston’s case, these guys look just as good as they did at the end of last year. 

The asterisk to that statement is that Robert Williams has required more surgical repairs on the same knee that he had the meniscus removed from last season, which ruins my million dollar bet on him to win DPO. Williams is expected back around the New Year, and it will take him a few weeks after that to properly get his legs under him. Boston’s defense will still be one of the best in the league without Williams, but he’s the piece that takes them into historic territory, and they need him back and healthy. 

I will admit Malcolm Brogdon makes so much sense on this team. Brogdon is a fantastic player with an awful body that betrays him every few weeks. If Brogdon can stay on the court then he’s the answer to the Celtics point guard problem and the first pass-first guy they’ve had in over a decade. If not, Marcus Smart and his mercurial playmaking skills take over. 

I’ve included Galinari in the ‘IN’s’ out of respect for his career and to acknowledge that this was another good signing by the Celtics, but unfortunately Galinari’s knee fell in on itself like an old gold mine and we won’t be seeing him at all this year. So, enter Blake Griffin! 

Blake is a bit of fun on this roster and it’s nice to see him on a contender for another year. With his athleticism nowhere near its peak, Blake plays a more ground bound game these days, but he’s still showing off that absurd passing skill that was half a generation ahead of everyone else back in his Clipper days. No one is seriously suggesting that Blake is the missing piece for a team that made the Finals last year, but he’s a good locker room presence and, while no longer a superstar, he still plays as hard as he did back then. It’s easy to sit back and laugh, ‘lol Blake Washed’, see, but this is another good signing – shit! 

There are good and logical reasons to hold some doubts that Al Horford, who’s been in the league since perhaps the beginning of time, will hold up. Horford put a lot of those doubts to bed last year in a renaissance season, and was the Celtics most consistent big man in the playoffs. I’m not going to tempt fate by suggesting that Big Al can’t do it all again. 

At the top end of the roster: Brown and Tatum are existing in a nice state of symbiosis, Tatum being the nominal outright leader of the offense, while Brown has the ability to take over when he wants. Coming out of the Finals, I thought Brown was the better of the two, he was the guy that always looked like he was about to make a couple baskets and quickly start a run. Tatum apparently had some sort of wrist or hand injury which no one knew about until a month after he’d lost the playoffs (where have seen that story before? Sounds to me like how Lebron suddenly had a broken hand after losing in 2018). Despite this, it’s pretty obvious that he’s not going to play the whole season like he did in the Finals, and the Celtics are going to absolutely destroy teams in the regular season. 

 As much as the truth hurts sometimes, this truth cuts me deeply: the Celtics are really good this season, they’re a real chance of winning the East and now that they’ve actually achieved something, it’s hard to make fun of the Celtics. I don’t like praising this team, because making fun of Boston is so enjoyable. Seriously. It’s easy. You should do it. It’s fun. 

Sadly the Celtics well has run dry for the moment, and I took plenty of water out of it during the Udoka saga. I suppose I better pivot to a predominantly Suns-based bullying model. 

Houston Rockets

IN: Boban Marjanovic & Jabari Smith Jr (#3 pick)
OUT: John Wall, Christian Wood & Dennis Schroder
EXTENSIONS: Kevin Porter Jr (4 years, $82.5m), Jae’Sean Tate (3 years, $20m)

Are there any adults in the room?

Maybe I’m getting old and jaded, but I don’t like it when young and talented guys come into the league and lose a whole bunch of games before they’ve achieved anything. The Rockets young core of Jalen Green, Kevin Porter Jr and Alperen Sengun have done a whole lot of losing so far, and don’t look like they’ll do much to change that. Call me a contrarian, but I think losing is bad. 

The Rockets let two of their most senior players go this off-season; John Wall being given their blessing to run free and join the Clippers, and Christian Wood and all his problems tossed into Dallas’ pile. That makes Eric Gordon the most significant veteran presence on the team. Gordon is great, and he’s the last remnant of the old James Harden Rockets era, but what does he have to gain from this team other than improving his trade value?

Suddenly, the kids are revolting and locking Eric in the cupboard while they cause havoc. In basketball terms, that means get in the corner and hit 3’s. Everything’s running through Jalen Green this season, for better or worse. Green doesn’t lack confidence in any aspect of his game, but he’s the typical high scoring, flashing passing no defense guard that populates the top end of the draft. He’s got plenty of opportunity to turn all that skill into genuine production. 

I’m most excited for fellow Rockets sophomore Alperen Sengun, who I am such a fan of that I didn’t even need to confirm the spelling of his name. Sengun is everything you need for a niche NBA favourite, he has low post skills that no one values anymore, he’s European-ish, has a bunch of weird routines and wants to fight a bunch of guys. I actually sent an email to the league to ask if they’ll introduce a new camera angle that’s just Sengun’s footwork, and they told me ‘fuck off with your walking stick you weirdo’.  

When it comes to Rockets rookie Jabari Smith Jr, I don’t actually know anything about him. For whatever reason, he’s completely off my radar and I have a complete mental block. He’s a power forward from Auburn who I can’t distinguish in my mind from Jalen Smith in Indiana. Basketball reference says he’s Kwame Brown’s cousin – that’s a bad sign. Watch this space, I’m going to have to figure out who he is and what he does well. 

The Rockets are more of the same and they’re happy with it. They’re letting the boys play and put together some truly awful stat lines that will eventually be held against them when they all sign massive extensions; “so it goes”. There you, a bit of Kurt Vonnegut for you.   

Milwaukee Bucks

IN: Joe Ingles &  MarJon Beauchamp (pick #24)
OUT: no one
EXTENSIONS: Pat Connaughton (3 years, $28.5m), Serge Ibaka (1 year, $3m), Wesley Matthews (1 year, $3m) & Bobby Portis (4 years, $49m)

Does anything else matter if the Bucks are healthy?

Khris Middleton’s poor injury and the greatest shooting night of Grant Williams’ life cruelly deprived us all of a Warriors-Bucks Finals series and a genuine match up between Steph and Giannis, two guys who have never had the chance to develop a genuine rivalry. 

Giannis did absolutely everything he could to make it to his second Finals series, but he was held back by Khris’ absence and Brook Lopez’s late return from injury. Those aren’t necessarily the most crucial injuries for a team that still had Giannis on it, but the Bucks lost a key outlet option and the Celtics were able to double and triple the Greek Freak more often. 

Middleton just injured his wrist again, and he’s expected to miss the first few weeks of the regular season, so the Bucks are lining up with much of the same team that was eliminated in the conference semifinals. Hopefully, with the collective basketball world’s fingers and toes crossed, we don’t see any teams missing half their team due to COVID for a lot of the season, which seemed to happen every time the Bucks gained any momentum last year.

Joe Ingles arrives in a leg brace as he continues his recovery from an ACL tear.  There are reasons for concern that a 35 year-old guy might not recover and return to the peak of his powers in the space of 12 months, but if he could, Ingles is the perfect addition to this side. When you’ve got a guy in the corner who moves in slow motion but reads the game at lightning speed and shoots the 3 at an elite level, you gain another fold in your offense that the defense will inevitably forget about when Giannis is two steps away from the basket. 

Jingles can take up the Darth Grayson minutes without anyone in the world giving a care for poor Grayson, who left his shot in Chicago during the playoffs where it was carried away by salty Bulls fans. At least Grayson isn’t the worst guy in the league anymore, that title being taken up by the entire Hornets roster. 

The only mild concern about this team is the bench, which is comparatively weak compared to other contenders. There’s nothing awful about Milwuakee’s bench, it’s just a bit blergh. Wes Matthews and Jevon Carter don’t exactly inspire confidence.  However, there will surely be some ring chasing veterans wanting to hitch themselves onto the Bucks wagon after buy-out season is over and the bench can improve itself quite easily during the regular season. 

To state the obvious, this team’s fate is tied to Giannis. The best player in the world tends to do that. I almost need to apologise to you that I can’t come up with a better take than ‘Bucks good’, but you know what? The Bucks are really, really good. 

Chicago Bulls

IN: Goran Dragic, Kostas Antetokoumpo & Andre Drummond
OUT: Tristan Thompson
EXTENSIONS: Zach LaVine (5 years, $215m) & Derrick Jones Jr (2 years, $6.5m)

What does it feel like to believe in the Bulls?

To finish off the preview series, we’re going to engage in a thought experiment: what would it be like to actually believe in the Bulls? 

Let’s start by running an eye down the roster. Hey, there’s some dudes here! Zach LaVine is so much fun to watch, that guy’s great! DeMar DeRozan broke one of Wilt’s records last year, and remember when he hit game winners in back to back nights? That was awesome! 

Then there’s Lonzo and suddenly I’m very sad. The dude’s knees are broken, seemingly beyond repair and every update we get from the Bulls makes it sound worse. Fortunately for the Bulls, Ayo Dosunmo has been all-upside thus far, and looks ready to take on a starting role. 

The LaVine, Ball, DeRozan combo (aka: DeBallZach) was one of the most fun and dynamic trios in the league last year. Bulls fans were actually happy for the first time since Derrick Rose tore his ACL. With the lurking threat that we’ll be nuked into oblivion before any of us get much older, don’t we deserve a good Bulls team? 

All that gets us three starters, so throw in 31 year old Nikola Vucecic in the last year of his deal and newly signed Andre Drummond and you’ve got a starting five baby! For the sake of positivity, I believe in the Andre Drummond reformation beyond the arc, and I strongly encourage him to continue taking at least 3 attempts beyond the arc per game. 

Looking back on the Vucevic trade, the Bulls turned in Wendell Carter Jr and the pick that became Franz Wagner for the big man. Again, in favour of positivity, I will withhold my ‘yikes that was an awful decision’ comment. Hey, Vucevic is great … WOAH CHECK OUT THIS DERRICK JONES JR DUNK!

Elsewhere on the roster, Caruso looks fantastic again, after his season was cruelly ruined by Darth Grayson, and hopefully tall Elmer Fudd doesn’t have to sit out against Milwaukee for fear of triggering his PTSD. After starting their season with some impressive defensive numbers, the Bulls defense cratered after Caruso and Ball were ruled out for large parts of the season.  Caruso, Patrick Williams and Dosunmo are three impressive defenders in Chicago’s backcourt, but you can really only have one of them out there at the same time as LaVine or DeRozan. 

This is the house that Jordan built and someone should be around to enjoy it.  Am I personally going to watch a tonne of Bulls games this season? Absolutely not, these guys suck. 

With that, it’s a customary ‘fuck you’ to Bulls fans, and thanks for reading. I don’t want to commit to any regular schedule for long-form content this season, but there’ll be plenty, along with the short form defamatory stuff on Instagram. 

Go Dubs!